Dear Care and Feeding: Can I bring a child into this pig pen?
What are appropriate consequences for a kid who is struggling with both tweendom and a learning disability? My 12-year-old has always had huge challenges completing homework; she gets off task, fixates on unimportant details, and can spend hours trying to get one component perfect, exhausting herself before she can complete the others. Over years we have refined a system for her where she uses all the school supports available, including drop-in after school tutoring.
This year, however, she’s in seventh grade, newly independent… and making terrible decisions about getting her work done. We agreed she’d go to drop-in tutoring this week but came home with very little accomplished. We later discovered that she’d gone late because she’d accompanied a group of friends to sports tryouts. She asked to study with friends after school, and we agreed on the condition that she check in and report on what they’d accomplished. She did….
Assuming she has some kind of team or individualized education program already in place, talk to the professionals and ask them how you can help her better manage her schoolwork. It’s possible she needs additional accommodations, greater medical or therapeutic intervention, or access to other resources. My hunch is that your daughter doesn’t need consequences, she needs more support.
I think I want to have a second child, but after a miscarriage last month, I’m scared. I’m mama to a sweet four-year-old—being with him feels like dancing in the sun. My husband and I were on the fence about having kids, but we decided to go for it, and I’m so grateful I get to have this joy in my life.My life as a mother hasn’t always felt like this, though. Five months after he was born I was hospitalized for a severe manic episode and diagnosed with bipolar I disorder.
We decided to try for kid #2, but my reservations about it have to do with my medications, specifically, lithium. I met with a psychiatrist specializing in perinatal mental health, and after extensive questioning, she told me I should stay on my medications; though lithium poses significant risks during a pregnancy, that my mental health without medication would be a greater risk. I felt clear on the decision, though anxious—I’m 37, which already makes for a higher-risk pregnancy.
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