The life I used to only dream about is my reality now, and it’s all thanks to a dog known as Poppins Poodle
When I arrive home late from work, my dog saves her dinner – which has been put out by her dog walker earlier in the evening – until I sit down for mine.
My eating disorder started when I was in university. A few comments about weight proved enough for me to begin questioning my looks. I realize now that I was so easily convinced as a 20-something that I needed improvement when the truth is that I was wonderful as I was. I had always been sporty and drawn to the outdoors. But with this effort to exert control over my body I stopped eating enough and began exercising so compulsively that I lost sight of why I loved to move.
Hoping to keep my cycling up, I got a bike trailer for Poppins. She hated it. So I put the bike away. Bike and run routes that I’d previously sped through transformed into slow and meandering walks where I’d begin to notice the slowness that can exist in a big city like Toronto. I saw a heavily antlered deer in the Don Valley, salmon spawning up the Humber River, toads, turtles, rabbits, a beaver we escorted back to its neighbourhood and even a rollerblading nun – we’ve seen and sniffed it all.
For the longest time what I thought I wanted was stillness. I wanted to be free from the shackles of movement. And I figured that meant idleness. So I tried that. But it didn’t bring ease into my life. What I didn’t understand was that the problem was with my motive for movement and not the movement itself. When my eating disorder was my reason to move I felt jailed and my life suffered. But with recovery, I have discovered that my reasons for activity are curiosity and flow.
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