A seemingly innocuous invitation to drinks with an old work friend and her fiancé turned into a major fight when my partner revealed a past conflict with the fiancé, causing him to feel deeply uncomfortable.
A few days ago, after more than half a day drive home from our holiday, John and I went out for drinks with Andrea and her fiancé (who flew in from another country), and a few other friends. Andrea and I have become good friends through work, but we don’t get to see each other often since she works remotely and moved abroad two years ago.During the drinks, I suggested that while she’s here, we should meet up for drinks more or something fun.
Naturally, I included her fiancé, Andrew, in the invitation—he’s her partner, after all. For context, this was my first time meeting Andrew since they moved shortly after I joined the company.John is not a big fan of plans outside his comfort zone (we jokingly call it his “bubble”), so I light-heartedly told him, “If you don’t want to join, that’s okay. I’ll still go with them.” This wasn’t meant maliciously—it’s a dynamic we’ve always joked about.Later, when he said he wanted to go home, I told him I understood but would stay a bit longer and let a friend (not Andrea or Andrew) drop me off. John got irritable, saying he didn’t want me staying with “this crowd.” He refused to explain, so I brushed it off. (the rest of our friends who joined us for drinks are very close friends to both John and I who we hang out with on a regular basis, so I found this comment quite strange, hence why I brushed it off). On the drive home, things exploded. John angrily revealed that Andrew used to sleep with his ex several years ago, and when John confronted him back then, Andrew denied it despite there being evidence and witnesses. This history made John feel uncomfortable, especially with me joking about going out even if he didn’t join.We had a massive fight in the car. John accused me of prioritizing plans with “Andrew” (even though I’d focused on Andrea when inviting them)He insisted and I said I’d go out “with him” no matter what. I was completely blindsided—I had no idea about their history and was just trying to spend time with Andrea
Relationship Issues Past Conflicts Misunderstandings Jealousy Communication
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