'There was no way for me to see the possibility of healing on the day the sheriff and coroner pounded on my front door.'
At 5:30 a.m., I opened my eyes and focused on the clock. I felt unsettled. I rose out of my bed, rushed to my 24-year-old son’s room, and opened the door. His empty bed was still neatly made.
The woman introduced herself as the coroner and the officer as the sheriff. She asked if Eric Cruz lived here, and I managed to choke out a yes. She went on to say, “I’m sorry, but Eric was involved in an auto accident and has passed away.” The “best place” for him to be is right here with me and his family. He had so much more to do here. Yes, I love my other children as deeply as I love him, but that doesn’t change the depth of the loss. Eric will never be replaced.
I found an excellent therapist who was also a grief specialist. Here, I was in a safe space where I could cry and talk all I wanted about my son, share pictures of him, and tell stories of his kindness, his compassion, and his amazing talent.in our society most people do not want to talk about death. It’s too uncomfortable, too awkward. And if you talk about your loved one too much, they turn away, or possibly even tell you to get over it.
This kind of profound loss often causes people to lose their faith. I can’t say I lost mine, but it was blown wide open. The neat and tidy box I had God in exploded. To say I was angry and confused was an understatement. But in time, as I searched and pondered and prayed, the pieces fell back together, in a more profound and complete way than I had ever imagined.
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