'There was no evidence of another woman, and he wasn’t being sneaky; he was just vastly different.'
My husband came home from work one evening and lost his temper on our oldest son because he wasn’t getting his pajamas on fast enough. I had never seen him,I looked at him knowing I was seeing a version of him that wasn’t really him. A feeling slid down my throat, into my chest, and pooled in my stomach. I sat with that for the rest of the evening, long after I had put our three kids to bed by myself.
A few evenings later we went out to dinner for our 9th wedding anniversary. It was quiet and felt forced, and neither of us wanted to go, but I kept thinking,. After we ordered a glass of wine, he looked over at me and said, “The other night while I was having a beer, I wanted to drink forever. I felt like I could have had 12, easy.”
He didn’t respond until a few weeks later when he confessed his affair. He told me he had ended it and was in a deep depression the whole time. He said he wasn’t thinking, had no excuse, and didn’t know what was going on with him. A woman in her 20s who knew he was married made a pass at him, and he said he “didn’t know how to stop it.”
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