I was aware of the patriarchal systems that governed the world, and I was a confident young woman. So why wasn’t I acting like one?
Chewing and spitting isn’t a freakish, gross habit that only a few of us know about. It’s a widespread phenomenon in the clinical landscape of eating disorder diagnosis and treatment. Chewing and spitting is regarded as a behavior among clinicians—comparable to restricting calories or laxative use. Several studies, including, frame chewing and spitting as a symptom of anorexia, bulimia, and/or OSFED , and suggest that it may be an indicator of disease severity.
When I went out to dinner with friends, I could order undressed salad without looking uptight, because I was also “eating normally,” which meant chewing and spitting pieces of bread, side orders of French fries, small “tastes” other people’s pasta. All it took was a keen awareness of the other person’s eye contact , and a graceful technique for wiping my mouth with a napkin.Of course, if chewing and spitting were actually a perfect loophole, I’d probably still be doing it to this day.
Though I said goodbye to acutely disordered eating habits in college, I was and still am crippled by body image issues and an ongoing preoccupation with food. Now that I’ve come out of the eating disorder closet—to my therapist, my friends, my family members, and of course, to myself—I have begun to think more critically about the relationship between my history of disordered eating and my feminism.
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