Dear How to Do It: I think he might be screwing with me here.
I’m a middle-aged, cishet guy. I am not especially kinky. Also, I have always tried to be extremely considerate of women, to the point where I have missed out on sexual opportunities because I am afraid of being perceived as aggressive, or because I misread clear signs of interest out of nervousness or uncertainty. A few years ago, I started to casually date someone who was very into very serious BDSM.
—how it played out was via a combination of your inclinations, your partner’s, the chemistry between the two of you, and the opportunity that was presented. Consent, as you know, is essential, but there is a particular bliss that comes from being so in sync with someone that they’re down to do whatever with you and you’re fully aware of this. Besides, your desires are not what make you an asshole—what you do with them is. Even Christ was tempted.
Alternately, you can advertise on FetLife or a similar kink site that a living fuck-doll is, in fact, what you’re looking for.The last clause of your last sentence is potentially telling; clearly, shame has guided the writing of your letter. It’s one thing to have it for yourself; it’s another thing to impose it on others, or let it color your assessment of them. Have compassion. People are into wild shit sexually. What that makes a person is … someone who is into wild shit. That’s all.
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