We need to hear stories from men who have taken responsibility for their actions.
Almost 30 years ago, when I was a newlywed fresh out of high school, my husband, Danny, who was 18 at the time, beat me with a motorcycle helmet. The day after the attack, which landed me in the hospital, I left our home and never saw him again. It was the first and only incident of abuse I experienced from him and no criminal charges were filed.
What follows is our story told from each of our memories and points of view. Neither Danny nor I have ever publicly spoken about what happened on that day until now.The day I met Danny, I was working at Kinney Shoes in Albany, Georgia. “Love at first sight” isn’t like you read about in books or see in movies ― at least it wasn’t for me. Music didn’t suddenly start playing and there wasn’t any kind of glowing light that suddenly appeared around him.
The minute I arrived in California, Danny and I promptly went to Vegas and got married. I didn’t tell anyone in my family, especially my mom. I remember waiting in a long line at the courthouse to get our marriage license and then getting married at the “Little Chapel of Love” in Las Vegas. I want to go home to my mom, but I’m scared to tell her we are married. Still, I call her, and she’s on a plane within hours. When she arrives, she’s furious. She was a military wife and refused to leave California without telling Danny’s commanding officer what happened. She believes that my story was taken seriously by his superiors and that some action was taken against Danny.Danny:
That night changed how I related to ― and continue to relate to ― men. I have anxiety in relationships. I have trouble trusting men and letting my guard down. ... I’ve achieved so much in my life, but my dream of someone to love and a family has eluded me. The incident with Donna is the only time I’ve ever put my hands on a woman. We were young when it happened and I have never had that kind of rage again. I carried the guilt around about it because that’s not the man that I am now. Hurting Donna is the one big regret in my life.
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