“Motherhood is as easy as climbing Everest in high heels and hotpants, carrying a disco ball.”
Mothers have a guilt gland. It throbs from the moment that little pink line appears on the pregnancy stick. Normally easy-going females suddenly transform into gourmet gestapo, obsessively avoiding wine, sushi, cheese… Music choices are also sanctioned as we ditch rock’n’roll for Ravel; heavy metal for Mozart, in order to boost baby’s brain cells.When toddler-wrangling, mums feel guilty if we don’t incessantly serve up forests of broccoli florets.
Other times I felt guilty about not being strict enough. When my son wanted to drop out of school to “find himself” in Nepal, I should have told him that ifAnd why didn’t I tell my daughter what I really thought of that drippy boyfriend? The unkempt one whose hair was so long that all I could see was his nose? For months, I had whole conversations with one nostril.
Carting everything back home again, I pondered the Japanese method of decluttering, which encourages a woman to hold every object in her life and if it doesn’t bring joy, throw it away. Well, you know what doesn’t bring me joy? Decluttering. And maternal guilt. Guilt is the gift that just keeps on giving, so why not simply mark it “Return to Sender”?
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