Plus: What’s the right way to respond to news of a divorce?
Growing up, I was very close with her sister, my aunt. She has always been extremely loving and supportive to me. However, every time we meet lately, my aunt insists on bringing up my mother’s latest whereabouts and scandalous doings , as a point of ridicule or gossip in an otherwise pleasant conversation.
Life is short, and I don’t want to alienate my beloved aunt. I am looking for a polite but firm way to shut down these painful discussions without spoiling a rare visit with my aunt or coming across as rude.Etiquette prefers an indirect approach when it avoids giving offense, or when it is more likely to succeed than brute force. In consequence, people who are indifferent to harm accuse those with good manners of being insufficiently honest.
Your case shows the injustice of such accusations. Tell your aunt that your break with your mother, though necessary, is still a painful topic, and that you would rather discuss almost anything else.I think I must be way out of date in my expectations of professionalism: When I interact with city agencies, attorneys and other supposedly professional people, I expect to receive a response to emails and voice messages.I’m wondering when it became a common professional behavior just to ignore business inquiries.What is the proper thing to say when someone tells you they are getting divorced, if you do not know whether they are relieved or devastated by the divorce?A neutral “I’m sorry to hear that” is the correct response.
Miss Manners realizes this will not prevent the soon-to-be-divorced person from explaining in detail why the divorce comes as such a relief, but, unless you are prepared to run as far and as fast as you can, you were never going to avoid that.
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