Mental load is a responsibility nearly exclusively borne by women - and it's holding them back at work and in life. Here's how we can help shift the burden, whatever our gender.
Mental load, also sometimes called emotional labor, is having lots of things on your mind. It’s having to remember to pick up eggs, to label your kid’s PE kit, to plan the Christmas shopping, to buy and make dinners for the week, to read the communications from schoolthe list goes on. Even if you ask someone else to buy eggs, it’s you then checking that the eggs were in fact bought. It’s essentially project management. And when it’s at work, that’s what we call it. Project management.
Of course there are lots of kinds of households but at my company, Koru Kids, 97% of our users are moms. We recently did a study of our users, sending an experienced ethnographer to their homes for three weeks to observe their lives. Our ethnographer saw how moms generally take the strain of the mental well-being of the whole family on their shoulders.they do that too, of course, but we’ve known that for decades.
Literally sit down and talk about who’ll manage what. After all, in the workplace, you’d have a handover meeting, right?about it. List the things you physically do, and also the things you’re responsible for: menu planning, presents for family, researching holidays. Divide up the responsibilities, not just the tasks. And bear in mind: you have to accept this may result in dirty dishes, otherwise you’re still project managing. in a specific area.
It’s possible to both be in the room with the kids but have only one parent consistently able to concentrate on anything substantial. To, be explicit about who’s in charge of the kids at any one time. This makes sure both parents get real chunks of time. . Government agencies, if you require ‘parents’ to do something, recognize that you’re usually askingto do it. For example: in order to get a good rating from the UK school regulator Ofsted, schools have to demonstrate ‘parental engagement’.
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