'She’s not throwing a fit to strong-arm you into giving her what she wants — it’s not a 'fit' at all. She is unraveling emotionally because she doesn’t have the skills to see that there’s more than one option.'
Before my son was diagnosed with ADHD, seven years ago, my husband and I raised our voices and talked sternly to him several times a day. His behaviors seemed like willful, little-boy defiance — we thought he was not complying with our requests to get a rise out of us. We punished and yelled, and our home life was awful. We didn’t know that there was another way to parent our son becauseAfter he was diagnosed, I read every book on the subject I could get my hands on.
I was punishing my son for behaviors that were not within his control. So I made an effort to not let him get me upset. But I swung too far in the other direction. I started using ADHD as an excuse when he acted up. He felt that, no matter what he did, he could blame it on ADHD and all would be forgiven. That was no way to raise a child., by Ross Greene, Ph.D. It gave me perspective on why kids with ADHD get frustrated and how it affects their behaviors.
You think it’s all because she didn’t get her way. But it’s not. She’s not throwing a fit to strong-arm you into giving her what she wants — it’s not a “fit” at all. She is unraveling emotionally because she doesn’t have the skills to see that there’s more than one option. She can’t handle the frustration she feels when the thing she knows to be true isn’t.remain detached. Remember that your child’s behavior is not a personal attack on you.
Making an effort to remain calm with your son or daughter will bring a dramatic shift in your family dynamic and your relationship with your child. I know from my own experience that once you learn how to be calm, you will be a more effective parent.
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