The brilliant superlativelyLJ on how to get over your big love:
It took me longer than everyone around me thought it should. Years, and then a few more. I didn’t know that healing wasn’t linear, you see. I thought every day was supposed to be better, but I found that I’d be fine for a month and then, out of nowhere, I’d have the wind knocked out of me because somebody sounded like him, or looked like him, or I just felt lonely. Two good days didn’t guarantee a third, a great date with somebody new didn’t ensure I wouldn’t go home and ball my eyes out.
I went back to the 80,000-word book I wrote about that six-year-or-so period this week, at the urging of my publisher. I was surprised to learn that I am no longer the girl in those pages. Flicking through the chapters of utter heartbreak and the bad decisions that followed, seeing in black-and-white my period of relationship mourning – it was like reading the story of a stranger. The girl in those pages isn’t the woman writing this, here, now. I survived. I thrived.
I am totally neutral about what happened to me now. I have no strong feeling about him, or her, or their new baby. I don’t wonder about them, or wish them ill. I am grateful for the life and love and adventure I have forged. The wind in my sails shifted and it. It’s been almost ten years, and I can say without hesitation that I wouldn’t change where I am for anything. This was always supposed to be my path.
Noah and the Wale sang, “It's the first day of spring and my life is starting over again… And I'll be bigger and stronger than ever before”. I’m writing this to say that if you’re heartbroken – still, or newly – I was there too. I was there, and then I wasn’t, and it sucked. I had to figure out spring on my own as well. But all I needed to know, when it felt as hard as it did, was that it wouldn’t always be that way.
My nana used to say, “It won’t always be dark at six, lass” because the days get longer and the sun rises in your favour. If your heart is dented, I promise that too. Eventually, the light will come.
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