Being a physician in the time of coronavirus means struggling to comfort patients while not putting yourself at risk. It’s difficult beyond words, writes Sarah-Taïssir Bencharif
This translation has been automatically generated and has not been verified for accuracy.First Person is a daily personal piece submitted by readers. Have a story to tell? See our guidelines atI met Mrs. B in the emergency department where she was sent with a sore throat and cough. There was a COVID-19 outbreak in her retirement home. I pulled up her chest radiograph and stared at her lungs’ new hazy white spots, a spring snowstorm.
To stay safe, I have to build space and layer personal protective equipment between my patients and I – a yellow gown, a blue mask, white gloves and a clear face shield. Only then can I cross the red line on the ground into their room- the hot zone. My patients are alone in the hot zone. No visitors are allowed.
Talking to Mrs. B about life and death was never going to be easy, even before the pandemic. On that day, she couldn’t hear me, her hearing aids forgotten on a counter at home. We got by with a mixture of loud single words – “pain?” – and miming symptoms. Exploring the intricacies of life and death in these improvised theatrics and with all this space between us seemed absurd at best, barbaric at worst.
The truth is, I have never felt so vulnerable, so aware that I, too, could catch this disease and become the patient. I try to think about what might give me comfort, beyond medical treatments, and I try to give them that, never sure if it’s enough. The instinct to get closer to my patients tugs against my primal need for safety.
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