My own parents divorced when I was 19. And as a marriage therapist I see that my parents' relationship followed a path of missteps that I commonly see in couples who are close to divorce.
As a teenager, I assumed that my friends' parents all had good relationships, and that my parents were the only ones struggling to get along. But, after working with dozens of couples over the past two decades, I can see now that there are common problems that arise in all marriages. My parents' relationship actually followed a path of missteps that I commonly see in couples on the brink of divorce.I believe my parents didn't like each other for the last years of their marriage.
There are couples, like my parents, that can never find a comfortable middle ground. Most couples have one or two such issues. Those who end up divorcing, however, usually have too many differences that simply can't be bridged.My mother spoke to her friends and my siblings and me about her marriage woes, but never directly to my father; the one who held the keys to changes she desired. My father didn't talk to anyone about his troubles.
Often, as was the case with my mother and father, unresolved hurts and resentments cause the divide. Understandably, most people would rather avoid the pain that going back into unpleasant exchanges entails. Yet, I've seen miraculous changes when couples are brave enough to revisit and recover.This misstep naturally follows in the continuum of drifting apart.
There are many couples who end up divorcing that either don't get professional guidance at all, or they don't seek it out soon enough. Letting time pass, hoping things will get better is not a good strategy and it can actually make matters worse. Susan Pease Gadoua is a licensed therapist based with an expertise in marriage and divorce. She has been working as a marriage therapist for more than 20 years.Even when I've met with couples that realize their marriage is no longer salvageable, counseling has given them a sense of resolution that they did all they could to make things work. It can also help them be kinder and more compassionate with one another.
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