'I was deeply unhappy, barely containing secrets that would soon devastate me emotionally and send me to the brink of suicide at the height of my fame.'
It’s a song Rosie helped make a Billboard Top 5 hit, having played what she affectionately nicknamed “The Chica Cherry Cola Song” incessantly during her show’s intro segment for months prior to us even landing a U.S. record deal.
I like to think that, even at the beginning of my career, I had a healthy fear of celebrity, so much so that I was able to curate a very particular kind of fame, one I refer to as “ Even though I was mocked for screaming his name ― even kicked and called gay slurs during the concert ― it was in that exact moment in time that I decided the way out of my own personal hell was to become a star, too.
This was pre-“RuPaul’s Drag Race” and before Ellen DeGeneres had her hugely popular talk show. The music industry was extremely homophobic then , and the idea that I would have to continue as a solo artist competing with the likes of teen idols like Justin Timberlake felt near impossible.There were times I was so depressed I would sleep entire days away. My team later admitted to me that they would come into my room to check that I was still breathing.
Despite the progress I was making with my mental health, the beginning of my solo career in the United States was tarnished with homophobia. I made a music video for my first single,and prior to shooting it, everyone I talked to was thrilled with the song and the album. “You’re going to win a Grammy for best male pop vocal,” one radio executive gloated as he literally jumped on a desk and spun around. But when it came time to look at the rough cut of the music video, my entire U.S.
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