“It was the ‘ten days’ that were problematic for me. Quickly repulsing somebody would be a snap, but it’d also make for a short flick and a shorter article”
Photo: Paramount Pictures When I agreed to sabotage my shallow desert grave of a personal life by re-creating the morally reprehensible antics of characters played by Matthew McConaughey and Kate Hudson in the vaunted Robert Evans picture How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days, I had not seen the film since 2004, when I was extremely drunk on an airplane. It’s basically this: A writer named Andie Anderson thinks she is too good for women’s service journalism.
Fortuitously, I’d just started gingerly hanging out with a guy who was visiting L.A. for work. This made him a good candidate because our relationship already had an expiration date, and I had also begun to like him in a pathetically un-chill, human-person way. It was time to end this on my terms: by making him hate me. You may be thinking that this is not a nice thing to do. But if I learned anything from How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days, it’s that love is a heinous abstract construct.
So I go to his house and I tell him I also want to watch Brokeback Mountain and You’ve Got Mail, back to back, which I figure constitutes a chick-flick marathon and ups the ante because straight men don’t want to watch movies about gay guys doing sex, ever. During both films, he mouths along with a lot of the dialogue.Even though she houses a lobster at their first meeting and loooooooves bacon , Andie pretends to be a vegetarian to annoy Ben.
Sophia is my sainted aunt’s name, so I won’t be doing that, and it turns out this guy has already named his penis, because of course he has. Even though it kind of goes against the spirit of this exercise, I am definitely not going to make him lose an erection. I’m writing a damn article, not trying to ruin my sterling international sex rep.Andie brings a bunch of CDs to Ben’s. Sounds great, right? WRONG. The singers are all women! DAY EIGHT, PLAYA.
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