It's taken four years since my dad's death for me to acknowledge the damage his volatile behavior inflicted on my childhood. Now I can call it emotional abuse, but it's still difficult to say out loud.
, but it’s still difficult to say out loud. Using that word — abuse — brings guilt, shame, and the fear I might be wrong. Growing up, my dad’s temper turned on a knife edge. Though he was never physically abusive and I didn’t doubt he loved me, I did seem to irritate him. He assumed I was mocking him if I breathed too loud, spoke too fast or used the wrong tone of voice.
keep bubbling up. Part of the grief of farewell is for the end of the possibility of having the relationship we longed for," Mannix says."Part of the relief is that we won't be let down again by them in the future."When my dad died, I really was relieved. Mainly because he was no longer suffering — but also because I no longer had to acquiesce to playing a relationship role I hated.
Now that I have some much needed distance, I can see my father in a new light, much like Jennette McCurdy does with her mother. Instead of living through a turbulent and always uncertain dynamic, we’re given the chance to flatten things out, scrutinize them, and finally acknowledge exactly what happened.
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