MyTwoCents: 'What I really want is just a hug and my regular life back, but I worry that this has changed the way people perceive me and I’ll never be able to get past it.' Read CharlotteCowles's advice on dealing with grief and inheritance-induced guilt
My mother recently passed away and left me a lot of money. This is complicated for a number of reasons. My mother was a difficult person, but she was still my mother, and she loved me as best she could. She was also really sick when she died, so her death feels like a relief in some ways. But grief aside, I’m not sure how to deal with this money and how it’s affecting my relationships and my life.
I’m really sorry about your mother. It sounds like you’re struggling with how the money she left you is affecting your close relationships at a time when you need them most. That’s a lot of loss and instability to contend with. However, you might be making this process a little harder on yourself than it needs to be.
He points out that your relationship with your mother appears to have shaped your view of money and what it means to have it . Now that you’re the recipient of her wealth, will other people view you in the same way they did her? This is known as “projective identification,” says Lundquist: “You’ve got your own feelings about wealth that may be bound up in your feelings about your mother, and you’re imagining that other people share those opinions.
The second is to lean on your loved ones. Will some people see you differently now that they know you’re wealthy? Maybe a little bit. I’m not saying that you shouldn’t be mindful of how your financial situation is different from theirs. But it’s not your job to “prove” to them that you haven’t changed. I promise that most people aren’t thinking that much about your money anyway. They probably just want to be there for you as you grieve the loss of a parent.
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