'I know in my bones that my parents meant well, and I know in my heart that they screwed up anyway. We all do, in some way. But I am repeating the same patterns my parents repeated around my ADHD. The first step, I know, is recognizing it.'
Back in the good old ‘80s and ‘90s, attention deficit disorder wasn’t diagnosed in girls — especially when those girls were daydreamy and spacey. Though I exhibited what we now know to be a moderate to severe case of ADHD, I was never evaluated for symptoms. I was functional enough — and smart enough, and scared enough of my father — to keep my head above water, and even maintain very good grades. But beyond that, everything fell apart.
I talked too much — most of the time, I didn’t shut up. In high school, I was un-ironically voted most talkative by a class that almost universally hated me. I cried whenever anyone teased or criticized me, which was often. I was always trying desperately to fit in and failing spectacularly, trying to be funny and looking monumentally stupid.
“Why do you make so many simple mistakes in math? You could have the top grades in the class and instead you get an A- because you can’t be bothered to double-check your work,” my mother and my teachers would accuse. Then I had sons with ADHD. I was diagnosed by then. So was my husband. And I began to hear the same words coming out my own mouth — those same words directed at my oldest son.
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