'I will never be able to retrieve or genuinely claim any sort of dignified identity ever again.'
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In addition, I pride myself in having more self-control and basic dignity than the average Joe, so I was highly confident my ducks were in a row. Carry on with your nonsenseIn hindsight, it seems so simple and preventable. I let myself down, and as a result, will never be the same. There is no turning back and/or fully recovering from something like that either. I will never be able to retrieve or genuinely claim any sort of dignified identity ever again.
I could feel it. I felt it, okay? I couldn’t see it, but I knew it had happened. It’s been over a decade, yet I close my eyes and still immediately feel the shame. Despite the fact that most feeling in that region was virtually gone, I knew it had happened. Maybe I’m a medical marvel, who knows, but explosive rocket-like projectile force out of one’s own orifice is impossible to ignore regardless of actual site-specific nervous system sensation.
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