'Oddly, I felt relieved. I was officially done. I had tried so hard to believe in a process that I was skeptical of and, now that it was over, I knew it was time to move on. My husband knew it, too...'
. Each cycle ended the same way: a phone call from the nurse letting me know that my blood test was negative and a reminder to come back on day three of my cycle for the next round. It cost $40,000. While most of our friends were using that money as a down payment on a house or to buy a car, we were spending it trying to have a family.
Each cycle was an emotional roller coaster. It started with pride and excitement every time they told me how many eggs I’d produced or how well my husband’s “swimmers” were doing, followed by hope and then dread, and finally sadness as we heard the bad news from the nurse that we weren’t pregnant. After receiving bad news, I would spend days feeling depressed, lying in bed and binge-watching TV. Then pride and excitement would kick in again and the cycle would repeat.
I can’t explain why, but I never fully bought into fertility treatments. I’d heard a lot of success stories, but there was always a part of me that felt like this was not the path for us. Before our last round of IVF, my husband and I signed up for anI put my everything into that last round of IVF. I made sure to take time off work and really relax. But in the end, it didn’t matter.
Two weeks later, we announced to our families that we were going to adopt. It was the first time I believed wholeheartedly that we would become parents. The “what ifs” weren’t over, but now they were different. At the adoption seminar, I finally felt hopeful. Adoption was still going to cost money, but there was much more of a guarantee, even if it took years.
That night, as we threw away all traces of trying to conceive, we knew we were choosing a new path: adoption. We now call ourselves Mommy and Daddy to two beautiful boys who remind us each day that
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