I Cannot Begin to Tell You How Proficient I Am in Microsoft Word

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I Cannot Begin to Tell You How Proficient I Am in Microsoft Word
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Many candidates come touting their areas of expertise—beginner Spanish, ability to work well under pressure—but none compare to the fluency with which I am proficient in Microsoft Word.

My first Valentine’s Day card, for instance, I styled using WordArt, stretching and bevelling and drop-shadowing to new romantic heights. Spell-check and grammar-check carried me through my first book report, with Clippy cheerleading from the sidelines. And how do you think I made this pert little cover letter? By using a template—or, as I like to call it, one of Bill’s greatest hits.

Beyond my disquieting grasp of Word, I am also competent in the broader Microsoft Office suite. Excel’s boundless rectangles yield themselves to my whim as I sort columns and freeze rows like a rational demigod. PowerPoint drapes me in the confidence to tell my story, one majestic fade, wipe, and/or peel at a time. And Outlook I’ve used once or twice.

But only with Word can I claim “proficiency” in the sense of “skilled in doing something to a high degree,” a definition I found using Word’s Smart Lookup feature . In short, I am proficient in Microsoft Word, and I offer my services to your company at your earliest convenience.

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