No doubt this is incredibly difficult, but her behavior has been awful.
My dad died recently after a long serious illness. He was young, and my mom was his full-time caretaker for almost two years. It was especially hard for her because he was in cognitive decline for most of that time. Now he’s gone, she’s alone and grieving. I want to help and support her, but I’m finding that hard because she’s gotten mean. She talks about how friends who call and text are annoying and harassing her, but friends who don’t call or text are cruel and uncaring.
I want to support her because she really is torn apart by grief right now, and I can see she’s finding it hard to cope. But it’s so tiring being on edge for whatever mean thing she’ll say next, and I’m also wondering what she says about me when I’m not around. What can I do to make this better?It sounds like being your father’s in-home primary caretaker took a significant toll on your mother.
Rather than trying to tackle what sounds like a very complex grief response while you’re also navigating the loss of your dad, try finding a few new therapeutic activities for your mother to try. If you’re financially able, plan a trip for her or enroll her in a senior arts or exercise class. Try to provide her opportunities to be near people who don’t remind her—for better or worse—of the life she shared with her husband.
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