I breastfed my baby for 11 months—and hated every minute of it

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I breastfed my baby for 11 months—and hated every minute of it
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I breastfed my baby for 11 months—and hated every minute of it — WorldBreastfeedingWeek

Even before I found out I was pregnant, I had this notion that I wouldn’t be able to breastfeed. I don’t know if it was because my mom wasn’t able to breastfeed or because the idea of milk coming out of my body was too strange for my brain to process, but I obsessed over every aspect of breastfeeding. I read every blog and website I could find. I’d look at my boobs in the mirror and poke them to see if they were filling up.

By some miracle, my boobs did, in fact, work and I was able to successfully feed my baby, but it wasn’t the easy or “natural” experience I’d read about. All of the various breastfeeding holds I had learned in lactation class felt awkward and unnatural. My first attempt at nursing involved three sets of hands and a lot of thrusting of my nipple in the general vicinity of my baby’s face. It didn’t work very well.

Besides the crazy pressure I was putting on myself to breastfeed, the expectations from everyone else were overwhelming. Health Canada recommends that mothers breastfeed exclusively for the first six months, followed by sustained breastfeeding for two years or longer. Though people will tell you, “Don’t worry, fed is best,” giving formula to your baby is saddled with stigma. It didn’t even feel like it was an option for me.

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