When someone is struggling, we are too quick to jump in with possible solutions when what we really need to do is listen. Here's why.
By slowing down to grasp the nuances of another person’s dilemma, we learn how we might eventually be of service.“Have a seat,” I said. “How can I help you?”
I should have noticed the oddly calm expression on Sabrina's face as she said this, the lack of sweat on her brow. After all, she must have either endured aattack or a five-floor walk-up just moments ago to reach my office. But I was a newly trained psychologist, and after five years of classes and supervised practice, I was attuned mostly to problems for which I knew the answer. “SpecificTreatment for phobias was supposed to involve “graded in-vivo exposures” and would be highly effective.
As I described the case, Dr. M chuckled and crossed his loafers up on a chair piled high with envelopes. “Elevator phobia?! She doesn’t have an elevator phobia. I could have told you that. She’s used that one with the last five interns. They all ride up and down with her, and then she disappears.”Dr. M took pity on me. “How did she seem, though? What were your impressions?”
Then we would gaze at this imaginary portrait together, as if sitting quietly in an art gallery, noting which details captured our
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