An expert weighs in.
EVER SINCE I birthed a baby with a penis almost two years ago, there’s one question that has taken up a lot of my parenting brainspace: How do I raise a feminist son? As someone who’s had more #MeToo moments than I care to recollect, the notion of consent is a priority. I want my child to respect the bodily autonomy of others, and to be empowered to assert his own boundaries as well.
This goes for affection, too, says Melissa Pintor Carnagey, founder of the org Sex Positive Families. “Ask for hugs or kisses instead of just going in for them,” she advises, “because [just going in for them] sends the nonverbal message that other people are entitled to touch your body simply because they’re bigger than you, or there’s a certain relational dynamic.”
Lansbury adds that creating our own boundaries, like gently stopping a child from grabbing our breasts or climbing all over us, is another important way of teaching consent. This idea translates to our interactions with other adults as well. “Say we wrap our arms around our partner really tight and they say, ‘No, get off’ and we’re still holding,” says Schroeder. “We’re just playing, but we’re still giving the message to a child that they heard a ‘no’ and we kept it going.
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