The normal, human response to criticism is defensiveness, and while defensiveness always serves to add fuel to the firestorm, what if there were a way not to let it bother us?
Photo: Loomis Dean/The LIFE Picture Collection via Getty I’ve been thinking a lot about thick skin lately, both as something I want for myself and something I want for others. Lately a number of celebrities have made statements or songs that critique their critics simply for being critical, and one of the main targets has been bloggers, which hurts my feelings. I am just a person trying to do my job, and I am not making nearly as much money as Taylor Swift while doing so.
The normal, human response to criticism is defensiveness, and while defensiveness always serves to add fuel to the firestorm, I find it comforting to know it’s everyone’s first instinct. There may be degrees of thin-skinnedness, yes, but none of us is tough by default. In recognizing defensiveness as our impulse, says Lerner, we can stop it in its tracks, which is necessary to move the conversation in a positive direction. “Defensiveness blocks us from seeing ourselves objectively,” she says.
Some criticism we receive will have a kernel of truth to it, and some won’t have even that. It’s that latter group that I hoped to become inured to — this group I have in mind when I say I want to grow a thicker skin. It’s okay if fair criticism hurts me, although I don’t enjoy it; it’s the totally unfair kind I want to be able to let go. But Lerner says she sees a lot of clients who similarly label themselves thin-skinned, and she challenges them/us to rethink what “thick-skinned” means.
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