Laura Jane Williams on loneliness and being alone: lonelinessawarenessweek
Because I chose to be single, I've been able to treat loneliness as an experiment. To brush up around it and see how it feels. Life coach Kate Taylor calls it emotional diversity: seeking out all the facets of emotion, not just the 'good'. Mostly I have found that it isn’t actually being alone that bothers me, but rather how I think about loneliness in the first place.
Wanting to be 'happy' all the time makes me lonelier, because it is impossible and so I feel like I am failing. That my loneliness is my own fault, not a common symptom of humanness. But its cousin, contentedness, is easier to master. Contentedness is routine, and small treats. Contentedness is cosy and inviting. More manageable. Less extreme., and smiling at the same faces I see in yoga class.
The poet Derek Walcott said “Give back your heart to itself”, to “feast on your life.” Being deliberate with my time alone is a banquet. I have to make as much of an occasion of being on my own as I do in company: planning meals, finding things to do, not waiting for another person to be in the room to burn the fancy candle. It becomes a source of joy.
And when the waves of loneliness do hit – and they always do, repeated experience tells me so- they pass. As sure as they crash up against me, they abate. Eventually. I’ve sought out my own company, on purpose and with some trepidation, and so when forced to sit in it, I do not have to be afraid.
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