When two people are in love, conflict can feel threatening, but when they harness conflict the right way, they can make the bond stronger, according to the authors. - NBCNewsBETTER
The 5-5-5 method is simple, according to Clarke. When a disagreement comes up, each partner will take 5 minutes to speak while the other simply listens, and then they use the final five minutes to talk it through.
The couple, who have been married since 2006, recalls using the method to work through a conflict they experienced while on vacation in Mexico. Campbell told Clarke she felt unhappy in the relationship. “I wasn’t doing the work that I wanted, I wasn’t doing anything fun,” says Campbell. “And so I got clear that I wanted to do more dance, and acting, and painting. It really, through the process, helped me digest internally what was going on for me.”Campbell says the beauty of 5-5-5 is that it only takes 15 minutes, and gives each partner the opportunity to say how they feel, and then discuss it without the conflict spiraling out of control.
Couples who are not used to talking through conflict this way may have a rough time getting started. To make it easier in the beginning, Clarke and Campbell recommend beginning with only three minutes each , and then building the discussion to 5-5-5 as you get more comfortable., but many people feel that conflict means their relationship isn’t working. Not true, says Clarke. Conflict actually means there is still passion in the relationship, she says.
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