VIENNA—In an apparent attempt to persuade his customer that the additional fees would pay for itself in peace of mind, sources confirmed Thursday that local hitman Vincent Klein kept trying to upsell his client on dissolving the target’s corpse in a vat of acid.
“It’s, like, I get it for some things—definitely, I’m happy that he convinced me to add on the silencer on his sniper rifle—but at the end of the day I just want the deputy finance minister dead, and whatever happens after that is his business,” said Officer 49 of an international consortium known only as The Collective, insisting that the fee of €1.
“I appreciate him throwing in filing off the guy’s fingerprints, but then he turns around and says that it really wouldn’t make a difference unless I put in the extra half-mil for corpse disposal and limb removal. Then he goes off and says he has to speak to his master on the phone to get me a discount. But I can tell there isn’t anyone on the other line. It all just seems super sleazy.
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