DearPrudie: I know there’s no excuse but I’m not sure how to fix it.
My partner and I have been together for almost five years, and we’re talking about having a child soon. We’re both in our late 30s, and work and instability have prevented us from really considering it until now. My partner comes from a home that had a lot of narcissistic and emotional abuse , and physical abuse between her parents. She’s done a lot of work over the years trying to heal, grow, and find ways out of these learned patterns but it still pops up occasionally.
Totally separately, decide what would give you the wedding day you want to have. If that’s having your father walk you down the aisle but not inviting his new wife, tell him that. Sure, it’s kind of unusual and would in normal circumstances be rude to deny him a guest. But he knows what he did, and he knew when he did it that it would make future family events difficult. He was selfish and made the choice that he thought would make him happiest. Now you do the same.
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