Long before she became an Oscar-winning actor and screenwriter, Emma Thompson took a plunge into London’s stand-up comedy scene.
I made 60 quid in a brown envelope, which I still maintain is the best money I have ever earned. My material was largely based upon all the things that obsessed me at the time—which is to say, sex, herpes, and Margaret Thatcher. I had jokes about the last two both being equally unpleasant and hard to get rid of. I would rant on about sexual hygiene. This was nearly pre-AIDS, and we were all merrily jumping into bed with one another with no thought of catching death.
The worst was when I helped my anti-nuke friends at CND organize the Reagan Out rally in London. It was June of 1984, and I was about to start rehearsals for a show on the West End called. I spent the morning of the march standing on the back of a lorry stopping and starting columns of protesters and making sure everyone kept moving and no one had to wait around for hours on end.
By the time I got up there, everyone was very hot and angry. By everyone I mean 65,000 strangers. I started my set. Herpes and Maggie went down well enough—everyone there hated her, and for all I know a good proportion had herpes. But then it all went horribly wrong. The mouse sawed and sawed, and I fell through the stage onto a ghastly bed of silent bile, blame, and personal abuse.
The effects haunted me for weeks. Whenever I was on the Underground or a bus, I’d see someone look over and assume they’d seen me and hated me. I remember meeting a friend—one of the comedians I used to fancy—and him saying to me that I was mad even to try comedy at a political rally. It never works. No one had told me that. I’m passing it on now in case any of you are considering it. Just don’t.
I remember the night I realized that stand-up wasn’t going to be a suitable career choice. It was still 1984, and the miners’ strike was in full swing. Some of us—Ben Elton again, and the soon-to-be grandes dames of British comedy Dawn French and Jennifer Saunders—were performing a benefit gig for the strike. I still have the flyer for it: don’t panic—help is at hand.
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