Weinstein’s lawyer will likely try to use these messages to discredit the accusers. But contacting an abuser is common survivor behavior.
Mary had been texting and talking on the phone with the man for about a year. Now, on the verge of meeting him for the first time, she felt a mix of nerves and excitement. He was 31, a decade older than her. After a few months of messages back and forth, they’d started talking about sex. She was a virgin, but he was never pushy.
“I could see it playing out so clearly in my head,” Mary, who asked that her real name not appear in this story, told HuffPost in an email, “and felt there was no point in putting myself and my family through that.” Survivors often minimize the abuse or blame themselves to try to preserve the good aspects of their relationship with the abuser, Valliere said. This phenomenon is most pronounced in children who are sexually assaulted by family members. A kid in that position might subconsciously suppress the abuse in order to survive, since they rely on the perpetrator for food, shelter and love, said Jennifer Freyd, a psychology professor at the University of Oregon.
according to TL Robinson, who recently launched a company to help victims connect with one another after an assault. To “fawn,” Robinson said, “is a way to try and manage the effects of the danger by minimizing its severity.” Anne also thought texting the man could wallpaper over her bad feelings. She was 18 at the time, and initially blamed herself for what had happened.
Some of Weinstein’s accusers might have gone through a similar process of self-blame, said Joan Cook, an associate professor of psychiatry at the Yale School of Medicine. She said that rather than responding with anger, they might have asked themselves: “Everyone knew about Harvey, why didn’t I know about Harvey?” Or: “Did I smile at him that one time?”Mary desperately wanted her first time having sex to be special.
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