Fitz's Opinion: Is Tucson really as hot as heck these days?

Your columnist reporter is hot on the trail of the truth

When I heard my editor say, ”It’s hot as hell” I wondered if it was true. There was only one way to know for certain. I dialed my reliable source.“— If you are calling regarding your contract with Lucifer, touch 1. If you wish to know your soul’s status or your soul’s itinerary for Eternity, press 2. If you wish to speak to our Press Office, press 3. If you are a pitchfork peddler —”“What?”People are also reading… “Dave Fitzsimmons.

“No. I’m calling from Tucson where people often say Tucson is hot as hell and I was wondering if that’s true and —” “Folks here like to complain it’s hotter than hell here in July and I was wondering if that’s actually true. How hot is hell?” “Cheer up. Climate change is on your side. Anything else I can help you with? We offer tours. Have you seen our gift shop?”“Your vile drawings! None of us looks like a mountain goat crossed with a tomato carrying a trident.”“More than I can count on all four hooves. So many of them are cast into our hell pit for driving sins. The worst are the venal snakes who swoop in to grab parking spaces— in the shade, close to the store’s entrance — from your less aggressive drivers.

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