Thrills and chills are scarce in 'Fantasy Island,' a nightmarishly bad horror-movie reboot of the late-Seventies TV series. Peter Travers' zero-star review
Douchey Bradley and his gay stepbrother Brax just want to party like it’s spring break forever, man. Career exec Elena craves a second chance to accept a marriage proposal she rejected five years ago. Cop Patrick longs to be a soldier and fight alongside his dead father in combat. And Melanie wants to exact torture-porn revenge on bullying high-school mean girl Sloane . A wussified PG-13 rating means none of these scenarios can deliver as much action as they might promise on the surface.
It’s hard to believe that director Jeff Wadlow needed two co-screenwriters, Chris Roach and Jillian Jacobs, to cobble together this padded twaddle. Their claptrap script hardly qualifies as a first draft. A machete-wielding psycho, played by Michael Rooker, runs around the island connecting the stories, and trying to chop everything to bits.
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