A guide to everyone you meet in a British heatwave:
In case you haven’t noticed, the UK has been in the grip of a sweltering, sweaty, dry heatwave for over a month now. You can’t miss it. Even if the very obvious weather and the very obviously dehydrated people weren’t a giveaway, the heatwave is all anyone can talk about. And because this is Britain, and because we’re not used to the heat, the heat changes people.
Unless you’re some sort of superhuman social butterfly, it’s highly unlikely that you have a sparkling rapport with every single person in your office. There are probably five people max that you talk to on a daily basis, and a further six or seven that you might nod and do a tight-lipped smile to when you both accidentally go to the kitchen at the same time to make a tea. Then there are the people you don’t talk to at all.
Your eyes meet across the desk as you enter the sanctuary, the air-conditioned utopia, that is your office. You puff out your cheeks and they roll their eyes. “Oh my god,” one of you says. “This weather is absolutely mad isn’t it?”It’s 4.30pm. Despite the fact that this morning you were desperate to get out of the sun, now you’re gazing out the window with total longing.
Across the office someone has abruptly stood up at their desk and clapped their hands together. “Right, who wants an ice cream?” You thrust a fiver at them and in return you get an orange Calippo 15 minutes later. It’s a 200% markup on a bronze tier ice lolly, but you don’t care.
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