Emily Ranft used to be an addict. When she got pregnant, she realized she needed to make some drastic changes to become the mom and person she knew she could be. In this photo, she’s pictured in Kingston, Ont., with her son, Cedar, after she returned to Queen’s University to complete her undergraduate degree.
Emily Ranft used to be an addict. When she got pregnant, she realized she needed to make some drastic changes to become the mom and person she knew she could be. This First Person column is written by Emily Ranft, who lives in Orillia, Ont. For more information about CBC's First Person stories, please see theMy partner was in jail and I was gardening at the community church, trying to do something to move through time and relieve my debilitating anxiety.
For years, I tried everything to get better, but always found myself in the same desperate place. The psychiatric floor became a revolving door. I tried detox, rehab, therapy and 12-step programs. I gave up on institutions. But at that moment, I unexpectedly had a belief in myself as tangible as the wind.
During the pandemic, when my son Cedar was only four months old, I went back to school online to complete my undergrad in English literature. There were times when all I wanted to do was sleep, but I had these memories looming over me — the shame of being that sick girl on the streets or in a secured hospital room. No matter how hard things were, these thoughts propelled me to dig deep and graduate.
But change did happen — with baby steps. My partner and I stayed together. He served his time, stopped using drugs, went to college to learn plumbing and is now an apprentice. We welcomed another son at the beginning of the second year of my teaching degree. I went back to school less than a week after giving birth because of this profound determination. I brought Simon with me and nursed my baby in class.
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