Did Your Childhood Affect Your Future? via boomerhighway
Is that why many people write—to hang on to their illusions? Because, it’s oh so wonderful to find your lost childhood! Or maybe not.
When I was a girl, my life was music that was always getting louder. Everything moved me… A calendar that showed the wrong month. I could have cried over it. I did… I spent my life learning to feel less. Every day I felt less.
Right after my father’s death, my mother remembers I started straightening throw rugs. Before I was even ten, I had insulted the woman who occasionally cleaned for us, telling her she didn’t put things back in the right place after she dusted. The paperwork in the corner of the dining room drove me crazy, that damn overflowing wastebasket, the stacks of paper and litter. So in high school, I took over the cleaning.
I saw something that drove me crazy. Somebody’d written ‘fuck you’ on the wall. It drove me damn near crazy. I thought how Phoebe and all the other little kids would see it, and how they’d wonder what the hell it meant, and then finally some dirty kid would tell them— all cockeyed naturally—what it meant, and how they’d all think about it and maybe even worry about it for a couple of days. I kept wanting to kill whoever’d written it.
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