Advice from Annie Lane.
I have been dating my boyfriend for four years and am very lucky to call him mine. He loves me well, gets along with everyone he meets and is very giving. His mother, on the other hand, is a taker, financially and emotionally. She hates her job and where she lives but is not willing to make a change. She relies on her two sons emotionally, calling them multiple times a week to complain about her job and life in her town.
I’ve mentioned my concerns to my partner, and he validates them but is not willing to talk with his mother. I’m happy to have a conversation with his mother, more along the line of how therapy would be a great resource , but I do not want to overstep. I fear the boundaries I’m beginning to put up are going to pull my family away from her in the future if she doesn’t seek help.
Expressing your concerns to your partner -- and having him validate them -- is a great first step, even if he’s not quite ready to address his mother directly. In the meantime, consider having a gentle and non-confrontational conversation with your partner’s mother. Next time she brings up something she’s unhappy with in her life, tell her how much you have found therapy to be a helpful resource. Opening up about your own experience with therapy might be enough to encourage her to give it a try.
He has a sister who also complains nonstop about ailments, and she has lost relationships due to the stress it causes. I find myself avoiding spending time with him, and I feel sad and guilty.Do you have any advice for me? Other than the nonstop whining and complaining, he and his sister are good, thoughtful people.: Being the partner of a person with severe health issues is no easy feat.
Gently explain to your boyfriend the toll his negativity takes on you and see what outlets are available for him to work through living with his struggles. Your boyfriend, and his sister, for that matter, might really benefit from support groups, physical therapy or counseling in an effort to cope with their ailments, whether real or imagined.Annie Lane offers common-sense solutions to everyday problems.
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