Dear Abby advises a woman whose boyfriend prioritizes his friend ahead of her, and a woman who wants to take care of herself after years of taking care of others.
I recently left my boyfriend. He said he loved me, but I felt like a third wheel in our relationship. He had a female friend he was constantly borrowing money from, even though we both work. He also gave her relationship advice. They would bicker back and forth like 2-year-olds, and when we went places, they made me ride in the back while they were having a conversation I was never part of. He also cut me off every time I talked. When I asked him why, he said I talked about dumb things.
My brother died unexpectedly one year to the day after my mother’s passing. It was a terrible shock, and it has taken me the last two years to come to terms with his loss. My issue is with my brother’s widow. We have never been close. There’s no animosity, nor have there ever been any harsh words, but we never bonded. My niece and I get along beautifully but, no matter how much I try, I can’t seem to break through to my sister-in-law. She is very dismissive of my grief.
I honestly wouldn’t miss her if I didn’t see her, but my loyalty to my brother and my desire to keep my niece out of the middle has kept me from distancing too much. Now that my parents and brother are gone, there are things I would like to pursue on my own. How much do I owe to her? —Your brother’s widow may have been dealing with her own grief over the loss of her spouse and unable to handle yours. Be cordial to her, as she is to you, but go on with your life and relationships.
You have handled the responsibilities life handed you with grace and generosity. It is now time for you to enjoy your own life and worry less about the lives of others. Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
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