'Now with a deadly virus... my role as caregiver and advocate is in a form of suspension that makes the situation nerve wracking, exhausting and guilt inducing,' writes Stephanie Kennan for usatodayopinion.
My mother has advanced dementia and is in an 80-bed nursing home in Alexandria, Virginia, closed to visitors because of COVID-19. Through several bouts of internal bleeding, a fall that broke her pelvis and hip socket, two surgeries, more internal bleeding and a massive stroke, I have been her caregiver, decision-maker and advocate.
My last in-person visit with my mother was to take her to a dentist appointment. That day, the facility closed its door to the outside world. These days, I visit her by Skype, which originally seemed to amuse her, but now she is frustrated I am not there in person —even when she thinks I am her sister.I worry that the little things that make her happy are not happening as often as they used to — even though I have no reason to think this in reality. She is confused about why I am not there.
I now have a respite from constantly going to visit. However, I am awakened often at night by my good friends — guilt, worry and sadness. Sometimes they torture me into second-guessing my decisions and remind me how I have no control. Sometimes I can tell them to go away. Sometimes they stare me down.As a way of trying to get them to leave, I try to remember the funny things my mother has said in her new state of mind.
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