Cheaters Often Shocked When Their Partners Cheat Too, Says Expert

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Cheaters Often Shocked When Their Partners Cheat Too, Says Expert
InfidelityCheatingRelationships
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An affair recovery specialist explains why cheaters are often blindsided when they find out their partners have also been unfaithful. Cheaters often justify their own actions, believing they are different or that their partner wouldn't mind. When betrayed, they experience a personal attack and confront painful truths they'd rather ignore.

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Often, cheaters have ways to justify their infidelity. They either convince themselves that their infidelity is different and not a big deal, or that their partner wouldn’t think it significant. “Some minimize their actions, assuming it was just a mistake or an escape that didn’t mean anything,” Dr. Nickerson adds. “But when they’re the ones betrayed, it suddenly feels enormous, showing them the real weight of what they’ve done.

But why is he only now thinking about the consequences of his actions? Dr. Nickerson says that for many cheaters, affairs aren’t about hurting their partners. Many people turn to infidelity to numb their own pain. “But once the secret is out, the reality sets in: they didn’t escape their problems—they created more,” Nickerson explains.

“In my research and clinical experience, most affair relationships don’t last—especially when they start in secrecy, deception, and heightened emotions. The unfaithful partner may believe they’re in love, but that ‘love’ is often built on obsession, fantasy, escape, and a distorted sense of reality—not true compatibility,” the affair recovery specialist notes.

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