Burger King launched three new celebrity “Keep It Real Meals,” titled after artists’ real names, to promote its banning of 120 artificial ingredients. ralter taste-tested them all
Chase? Huddy? Charli??? Help! Photo: Burger King Bushwick’s hottest restaurant is the Myrtle Avenue Burger King. Experts have deemed it a destination so architecturally significant that it ought to be preserved by UNESCO. The Myrtle Avenue Burger King is a time portal into a fantasy 1990s that never was, a living shrine to a playful postmodernism in chain-restaurant design we’ve since lost in the post-Chipotle Edison bulbification of even our basest chains .
Keep It Real Meals are also being used as a promotional tool for Burger King’s new “royal perks” in-app rewards program, which is in keeping with chain-restaurant trends in these here end times. As the celebs and their tethereds point out in the commercials, the meals are only $6 if ordered through the app by someone with an account. So last Monday, recovering from a Doja-fashion-induced VMA hangover, I logged in and ordered all three meals for pickup.
Next was the Anitta meal. I’ll be honest: I didn’t know who Anitta was before this week. But now I know she’s got singles in Portuguese, Spanish, and English, including a collab with Cardi B, and she’s sometimes vegan, which is way better for the planet than not vegan at all. So her Keep It Real Meal is, fittingly, vegan-ish : small fries, a small Sprite, and an Impossible Whopper.
**Correction: I have since been informed that because there is mayo on this Impossible Whopper, it’s not actually vegan. We confirmed through Burger King’s allergens page that the Impossible Whopper does indeed include egg via mayonnaise. However, we also learned via fine print that Burger King “makes no claim” that any of its products, including the Impossible Whopper, “meets the requirements of a vegan or vegetarian diet,” as the patty is cooked on the same surface as the meat patties.
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