A reader writes to Lisi seeking advice on her brother's new girlfriend whom she finds to be very unpleasant and disrespectful. She wonders why her brother is attracted to someone so different from their family's values and asks for help on how to deal with the situation.
Dear Lisi: My brother’s girlfriend is awful and I can’t understand what he sees in her. She’s controlling, demanding, spoiled, entitled, cold and unfriendly. When she comes over for dinner, she doesn’t offer to help in the kitchen, clear plates, or thank my parents for the meal. My mom is trying not to say anything because she told my brother how she felt about his last girlfriend and that didn’t go over well. She was no prize either.
I really don’t understand why my brother chooses these girls who are so completely different than our family. We are warm, friendly, laugh a lot and spend a lot of time together. My mom is so generous and kind — she’d do anything for anyone. She raised us to be helpful in the kitchen, to always say thank you, to be polite. Why do you think he’s attracted to someone so different, but in all the wrong ways? Sibling Surprise You didn’t mention how old you or your brother are, but if I’m guessing you’re all teenagers, I would say that he is just testing the waters. Maybe she went after him and he just went along with it, for now. Maybe he likes a take-charge partner. There could be many reasons why he’s with this girl. In the meantime, don’t let her bother you so much. The next time she comes over for dinner, ask her to help you in the kitchen. Maybe her mom doesn’t cook, and she isn’t comfortable in a kitchen. After the meal, ask her to help you clear the plates. Maybe at her house they eat off disposable dishes or have a staff waiting on them and never have to help. Who knows? More importantly, make a point of thanking your mom for dinner (if she’s the one who did the cooking), and suggest that the girlfriend do the same. If she doesn’t change — or dump your brother and run — then I would talk to your brother and see what he thinks, and how he feels about her behaviour. Dear Lisi: My husband keeps asking me to go on a date with him. It’s starting to get annoyin
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