This article explores the unique complexities of stepfamilies, highlighting the importance of respectful boundaries, open communication, and a supportive approach for stepparents.
A stepfamily is a fundamentally different structure, and it makes a different foundation for relationships than a first-time family, says psychologist Patricia Papernow, Ed.D. One of the differences that complicate such family dynamics is that stepparents don’t really have the same relationship with the children or parenting rights as the biological parents do. This can lead to challenges in navigating cultural norms and dealing with the tension from biological parents.
When it’s not clear what responsibilities or duties each person involved in a blended family carries, the whole situation can get even more complicated. On top of that, if the stepparent and spouse’s ex can’t establish a cooperative or functioning relationship, the probability that the blended family will be successful further decreases. Stepparents who end up in sticky situations with ex-spouses should keep in mind that they aren’t a replacement for the child’s biological parent nor should they attempt to be one. These children are not yours, says Derek Randel, parenting expert and certified stepfamily coach. He notes that no matter what the ex-partner has done, the stepparent should respect the child’s feelings towards them. Instead of trying to be called ‘mom’ or ‘dad,’ they should focus on being present and supportive of their stepchildren, which in turn makes them a loved and respected mentor who might earn such a name. Experts also recommend against interfering with co-parenting discussions or decisions. The ex didn’t agree to co-parent with you and will likely feel ganged up on if you give unsolicited advice, explains Jenna Korf, a certified stepfamily foundation coach. Exes who are still holding on to anger or hurt from the divorce can cause a world of pain for you and your spouse, so try to avoid inserting yourself into their discussions, she adds. Even though it can be hard to resist butting in the parenting business, it’s important to do so, as the more understanding the stepparent is, the easier it will be for the whole famil
STEPMOTHERS STEFFATHERS BLENDED FAMILIES CO-PARENTING FAMILY RELATIONS
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