You can still love her as your daughter but protect yourself from being hurt.
Dear Lisi: How do you deal with double standards? My husband and I have an adult daughter who, in the last few years, shows little to no interest or compassion when it comes to other family member’s health concerns. She is uninterested if another family member has been treated poorly by someone else or is upset about something . Recently, her brother broke his ankle, and she didn’t call him to see how he was doing, let alone show she even cared. It’s very cold and hurtful.
She is the uncaring one, and has shown little to no empathy, compassion or even interest when her family are hurt or upset by something. For years, we as a family have always been there to listen, to show support, etc. But once she stopped showing it in return — for any of us! — it hurt us a lot. Her father and I, and her siblings, have all tried speaking to her about this. She responds by ghosting us for months at a time, no matter how diplomatically the issue is raised.
We’ve come to the conclusion that she just doesn’t care about any of us anymore. The word hypocrite certainly comes to mind.You didn’t ask a particular question, but my understanding is that you wonder how she became this way, and how you can get through to her. I hear you. It’s very, very confusing for parents when one person shows opposing traits that negatively affect everyone.
Explain to her how you feel, quietly, as her mother. Do NOT try to change her. At 30 years old, she is who she is and only SHE can implement change, and then only if she wants to. Explain to her that if she’s not going to reach out to her brother when he’s suffering a broken leg, he’ll feel hurt and then not want to reach out to her.
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