Sometimes, his elusive, too-cool actions are having the opposite effect than what he desires, and instead of thinking of him as “cool,” the group is getting tired of it.
Dear Lisi: I have a good friend who likes to keep things close to his chest. So much so that he turns small nothings into huge somethings. Our group of friends thinks that’s why he acts the way he does — to increase his importance in our minds. But it’s having the opposite effect — we think it’s annoying.
I don’t want him to fall out with the whole friend group, but I’m not sure how to “save” him. What do you think?I don’t think your friend thinks he’s “all that.” I think he’s insecure. I don’t know him so I can’t tell you why he thinks that way, but that’s what his actions say to me. Someone who was secure would say, “Hey! I bumped into my sister and we’re grabbing an ice cream. Anyone want one?” — or something like that.
Dear Lisi: We are a group of guys who have been working at a lake resort this summer in the States. It’s been fun, we’ve all become great friends, and some of us have even started seeing some of the girls there. One of the girls was preceded by a bad reputation from her last year working there, when none of us were there. We didn’t hold it against her.
You could offer your friend support by letting him know that you are there for him if things get confusing with his new girlfriend. Just remind him that whoever she was isn’t who she is now. Focus on his romance with her and not her past. If they can mute the background noise, it will dissipate eventually.Reader #1 — “Since the letter writer stated that this other woman ‘just recently left the company,’ her opinion is STILL current.
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