'Father’s Day is complicated for my children. The words 'Happy Father’s Day' are jagged and sharp. They know the heartache I never wanted them to know.'
. He left when I was eight, and my brother and sister were just six. We saw him a handful of times after the day he packed up his things, spoke to him a handful of times after the day he last visited. But in all ways that mattered, he’d vanished in a heartbeat, and I never celebrated Father’s Day. Even wishing a Happy Father’s Day to other adults in my life—uncles or family friends who were present and excellent fathers to their own kids—was difficult.
Pre-aggressive brain cancer diagnosis, we had the kind of boring Father’s Day that’s almost too cliché for a Lifetime movie. My husband left to play golf with the men in the family and then returned home to man the grill for a huge, extended family barbecue. At some point, one or all the men would end up passed out on the couch while some golf tournament played on the television.
That first year, the kids and I woke up and I was terrified by how complicated the day was going to be. We didn’t plan a huge family barbecue, and instead we told funny stories about years past. We didn’t stroll through stores selling cards and gifts for “dads and grads,” and instead painted rocks to bring to the cemetery.
I will once again do my best to keep the day uncomplicated for my kids. I’ll keep us off social media and avoid places with Father’s Day paraphernalia plastered everywhere . But it’s going to be a complicated day.
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