This November, Trump-loyalist and former television news anchor Kari Lake will be on the ballot in the Arizona governor’s race. The Onion asked Arizonans why they are voting for the Republican candidate, and this is what they said.
“Simple. Lake wins.
needs a new anchor. I step up. I am beloved. The public reveres me. The news bends to my will. I purge the entire studio and assume control of all media operations. I am the news. I control all broadcasts, including the weather forecast. I am weatherman. I control the weather. I am the weather. Tides bend to my will. It thunders when I command thunder. I am become God. It’s foolproof.”
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